5 Relationship Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore

We’ve discussed first-date red flags before—those behaviors that make you question whether you should see someone again. But what happens when you’re already in a relationship, maybe even years deep into it?

Controlling behavior in a relationship can be tough to spot early on, especially when the person doing the controlling talks about their actions in terms of “boundaries,” but doesn’t actually use the term correctly. Here’s the key: having a boundary means you get to choose how you respond when someone crosses it—not that you get to control others’ actions. For example, if you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who’s a social media influencer, that’s your choice. But you don’t get to decide if they choose to be a social media influencer.

Here are some major red flags to watch for if you see them in your relationship:

1. They try to control what you wear
   One common tactic used by controlling partners is to dictate what you can and can’t wear when you go out. But here’s the thing: only you should decide what you wear. Whether you prefer to cover up or want to rock a bikini for a walk, that’s entirely up to you. No one has the right to tell you that your clothes are inappropriate or that you’re getting too much attention. It’s your body and your choice.
2. They try to control who you hang out with
   Another serious red flag is when your partner tells you who you can or can’t spend time with. This is a classic move in abusive relationships to isolate you from your friends and family. If your partner can keep you away from your support system, they’re easier to control. A healthy relationship encourages you to maintain connections outside the partnership. Your partner doesn’t need to like all your friends, but they certainly don’t get to dictate who you can be friends with.
3. They try to control what you post on social media
   If your partner is monitoring or interfering with your social media activity, that’s a huge warning sign. Trust and privacy are fundamental in a healthy relationship. Just because you’re together doesn’t give them the right to control your online presence. If they don’t like something you posted, that’s okay to discuss, but ultimately, it’s your decision what you share.
4. They try to control your birth control choices
   Any attempt to control what you do with your body is a massive red flag. It’s fine to discuss birth control options with your partner, especially if they’re involved in the process, but they shouldn’t be telling you what to do or interfering with your choices. That includes throwing away your pills, poking holes in condoms, or secretly removing a condom during sex (also known as stealthing). This kind of behavior is called reproductive coercion, and it’s a form of abuse. Both partners should be transparent and respectful when it comes to using or stopping birth control.
5. They’re threatened by your success
   In a healthy relationship, both partners celebrate each other’s accomplishments. If your partner feels threatened or jealous of your success, whether it’s landing a new job or gaining social media recognition, that’s a big red flag. They should be cheering you on, not trying to undermine your achievements or make you feel bad about them.

If any of these red flags are showing up in your relationship, it might be time to talk to friends, family, or a counselor. Your well-being, safety, and autonomy are essential, and reaching out for help is an important step in addressing an unhealthy relationship dynamic.