How to Talk About Sexual Health with a New Partner

Are you diving into the dating scene right now? Whether you’re looking for a long-term connection or exploring casual physical relationships, there’s a lot of fun to be had. But with all the excitement, it’s important to handle some tricky conversations, like discussing sexual health, which can feel a bit uncomfortable. We get it—these talks aren’t always easy. But the consequences of not having them can be far worse. The good news is, there are ways to bring up these topics without killing the mood.

Avoid serious talks during steamy moments
It’s best not to dive into serious conversations while things are heating up. Even something as simple as asking, “Do you have condoms?” is better to do before getting physical. When you’re in the moment, emotions and excitement can cloud your judgment, so it’s a good idea to handle these discussions beforehand.

Keep the vibe light, not heavy
There are certain things about a person you’ll want to know before things get sexual—some things are fun to talk about, like desires and fantasies, and others, like STIs and trauma triggers, are less exciting. But you can still approach these serious topics in a way that doesn’t kill the vibe. For example, instead of saying, “Before we go any further, we need to talk,” try something like, “I’m really attracted to you and excited to take things to the next level. Let’s make sure we’re on the same page.” This keeps the mood light while covering the necessary stuff.

Make the conversation feel less awkward
Talking about sexual health can be uncomfortable for both of you, but don’t add to the awkwardness. One good approach is to admit that it feels a bit weird—this lets your partner know you’re both in the same boat. A little humor about the situation can also help break the ice.

Don’t make it about blame
If you’re concerned about your partner having an STI, avoid phrasing it in a way that makes them feel bad or embarrassed. Instead of asking, “You don’t have an STI, do you?” which can sound like a judgment, try saying something like, “STIs are really common, and even though there’s a stigma around them, it doesn’t change the fact that we need to talk about it.” This opens up the conversation without making anyone feel ashamed.

Share information first
You don’t want this to feel like an interrogation. Make it a two-way conversation by offering up information first. For instance, you could say, “I’ve been prioritizing my sexual health and just wanted to let you know I’ve been tested recently.” This shows you’re taking responsibility for your health and helps create a safe space for your partner to share their status as well.

Make it a team effort
This is a partnership, not an “us vs. them” situation. You can approach the conversation with something like, “To keep things safe and fun for both of us, can we chat about sexual health?” Or you could even suggest, “Would you be comfortable going together to get tested?” This shows you’re both in this together.

Set and respect your boundaries
If you have strict boundaries, like always using condoms or being clear about exclusivity, it’s important to communicate them early. Knowing your boundaries is empowering, but they only work if you make them known. And remember, expressing your boundaries doesn’t guarantee they’ll be respected—it’s up to you to enforce them. For example, if your boundary is using condoms every time, and your partner isn’t on board, you can choose not to have sex or engage in safer sexual activities.

Be direct
Lastly, don’t leave room for confusion. If you need to know if someone has an STI, ask directly. Questions like “Have you been tested recently?” don’t give you the full picture. Be clear and ask if they have any STIs.

Advocating for your sexual health and pleasure is an ongoing process that involves being open and taking the risk that conversations might be awkward at times. The key is to make your partner feel accepted and comfortable no matter what. It may not always be easy, but these conversations are worth it for your peace of mind, and they’ll likely make your intimate experiences even more enjoyable.