How to Let Someone Know You’re Not Interested

Dating and relationships can be tricky to navigate. One minute you’re excited about a first date, and the next, you’re stressing over how to send the dreaded message that says, “I’m just not that into you” without feeling like a bad person. If you’re nervous about letting someone down, don’t worry—we’ve got some tips to help make this difficult conversation a little easier.

1. Expect some awkwardness
   First things first: acknowledge that this conversation will likely be awkward. There’s no perfect way to make it smooth, but that’s okay. Feeling uncomfortable just means you care about the other person’s feelings. So, embrace the awkwardness—it shows you’re being considerate.
2. Think about how you say it
   The big question: text or in person? While texting might seem easier, it can come off as impersonal, especially if you’ve been seeing each other for a while. If you’ve only been on a few dates, texting might be fine, but if you’ve spent more time together, it’s better to do it face-to-face. It shows respect for the time you’ve shared and acknowledges the other person’s feelings.
3. Start with something positive
   Be honest but kind. Begin by saying something positive about your time together. Maybe they made you laugh or shared a cool experience with you. It’s important to show appreciation, even if things didn’t work out romantically.
4. Be clear and direct
   Now, let them know where you stand. You can say something like, “I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you, and you’re [funny/kind/intelligent], but I’m not feeling the romantic connection I’m looking for.” This way, you’re being straightforward without being harsh, which helps avoid confusion. It’s always better to be clear rather than leaving things open-ended.
5. Stand your ground
   Once you’ve shared your feelings, stick to your decision. They might try to convince you otherwise, but resist the urge to change your mind just to spare their feelings. Remember why you’re making this choice, and trust yourself.
6. Treat yourself afterward
   Once it’s done, give yourself some credit for handling a tough situation. You’ve navigated a difficult conversation with kindness and respect, so now go do something nice for yourself—a treat, a nap, or anything else that feels like a win. You’ve earned it.