Mastering the Relationship Check-In: Why, How, and When It’s Important

If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, you’ve probably noticed how easy it is to let regular check-ins slip. Over time, small issues can build up into bigger resentments or misunderstandings. Instead of letting that happen, why not make the effort to communicate more regularly?

Relationship check-ins are like cleaning the toilet—no one really looks forward to it, but the longer you put it off, the worse it gets. Start with monthly check-ins rather than weekly ones to keep things manageable, and if you feel comfortable, you can always adjust the frequency later. Make sure you both have time set aside for an uninterrupted conversation, and if things start heading toward an argument, try to keep these tips in mind.

Here are 10 questions to help guide your check-in:

1. Is there anything you’ve been meaning to bring up but haven’t yet?
2. Are there any routines you’d like to change or try adjusting this month?
3. Is there anything new you’d like to try sexually in the upcoming month?
4. How have you felt about how we’ve divided household chores (including mental labor) recently?
5. Have you been getting the support you need from me over the past month? If not, what could I have done differently to help?
6. Is there anything you’ve done recently that I might not have noticed but you’d like me to?
7. What’s one thing I did this past month that made you feel loved?
8. Do you feel like we’ve been sharing emotional labor fairly over the last month?
9. Has your need for intimacy—whether physical, emotional, or both—been met lately?
10. Is there anything coming up next month where you’ll need extra support from me?

These questions can help open up a conversation, so you can keep your relationship healthy and avoid letting issues build up unnoticed.